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Read. Suffer. Try to Enjoy.

'Systemspeak' revisited

The first time I saw it in a mail, I thought it was an acronym for another system. Father Time and a couple of discreet queries later told me that it stands for ‘Business As Usual’. If I could have my way, it would be modified to ‘Bullsh*t As Usual’. A LOT more apt that way.

This too I must confess stumped me. It wasn’t as difficult to figure out as BAU though. Stands for ‘End Of Day’.
Could mean two things.

Usage 1) Comparatively Benign - The End Of Day account feeds that are generated by Financial Systems.

“Aaj EOD run karne ka hai…ghar jaldi mat jaa"

Usage 2) Severely Malignant - A manifestation of pure evil, when wielded by the boss

“I need this done by EOD today”

OBVIOUSLY, EOD is very very subjective here. Simply put,
“I don’t care how you do it, give it to me before you go home”
And yeah…
”I don’t care when you go home”

Touch Base:
This comes in thanks to the solitary comment on the earlier Systemspeak article.

This is an Americanism for “Let’s waste half an hour’s worth of time and boost MTNL’s bottom line again next week”

“Let’s touch base again next week…”

My fav retort?
Maybe if you had a butt like Jennifer Lopez or our very own Shakeela, I juuuuuuust might…

Sanity Test:
Was totally lost the first time I heard this. Used to signify a basic, trial test case, to ensure that a release has been successfully cut over.

Now that I’m a li’l more aware, I guess the name originated from the need to check whether you are still sane after doing everything short of actually selling yourself AND your soul for good measure, to have seen the release through.

Dry Run:
A distant cousin of the Sanity Test (Once removed).
Basically just like a sanity, only in this case, the testing is done by the technical team, and not the users.
Don’t know what ‘dry’ has to do with the process. Explanations welcome.

Ballpark Figure:
An 'uber' glamorous word for the ugly ‘Rough Figure’ or the even uglier ‘L0 Estimate’. This word has a certain ignorant savoir-faire about it…what irritates me is ‘Oh look at me…I’m in the States’ Indians using this and acting surprised when you don’t know the meaning. There is no shame in not knowing. Especially an idiotic term like this.

Massaging the BTCs:
Two for the price of one.
BTC = Business Test Case.
Massaging – Now this conjures up images of Oriental chicks in an incense laden, dimly lit room. Guess that is exactly what is needed to make the task of ‘re-writing business test cases’ a tad more enjoyable. Check out the dreamy smile on the face of your Business Expert the next time he’s asked to do this.

Very very esoteric. Heard it in my first week.

“Aaj UAT pe patch maarne ka hai…yaad hai na?”

A euphemism for an SQL update statement, which serves as a backdoor data correction. Kind of like the white ink markers you see for correcting typing errors in print.

The cornerstone of the Indian IT industry as we know it. Stands for an absolutely sloppy, hasty, non-optimal piece of code, which will just about solve a problem. Just. Sort of for as long as a spitball will stick to something. No guarantees. If it works, good for you. If it doesn’t, god knows who wrote it. Sometimes used by programmers when pushed a little too hard to meet deadlines.

“Abbe yaar, kal tak kaise hoga?!”
“Maaf re, kuch to thookpatti laga ke release kar…”

Bachche Ki Jaan Lega?!
Can ANYONE tell me what the **** does this exactly mean?! Have heard it being used majorly by the Northies. They prefix it with an ‘Oye’…and then collapse onto each other…laughing uncontrollably. The Mumbaikars and the South of the Vindhyas types just stare, and smile politely. Sooner or later, they too start saying this and try to join in on the fun. Without knowing when to use this. Which makes the Northies smirk and laugh even harder.
Can’t quite get the joke, unless the idea of serial child killers is supposed to be funny.
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11:57 PM, October 09, 2005
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Net-Net" wonderful post ;-)    

12:12 AM, October 10, 2005
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Net-Net" wonderful post ;-)


10:20 AM, November 08, 2005
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bachche Ki Jaan Lega?!
Asking more than what one can do.

To know more about
Oye...Bachche Ki Jaan Lega kya?!
Watch Mr. and Mrs. Khiladi    

12:43 PM, January 09, 2006
Anonymous Anonymous said...

cool stuff..
one more addition

CORE debug kar :
( hit me out of the blue the first time i heard it)
some scr*w up wrote some bull sh*t and you 've to find it and clean it    

12:22 PM, July 28, 2008
Anonymous Anonymous said...

An example for "bachche ki jaan lega kya" is, if I said, you could have written much better, you have not covered the main terms, if your boss asks you to handle two projects at a time.... so bachcha is the "self" here....
A northie    

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