Electronic News Bites
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Been a couple of weird-ass weeks in Mumbai city, first came the rains, then came the blasts. Each of these incidents were covered brilliantly by our ever capable and hard working electronic media guys. How brilliantly you might want to ask...
This is how...
First, let's take up the rains.
It rained like it always does at this time of the year, and the city shut shop for a couple of days like it always has been doing for all these years. Only, till last year, we didn't have these guys risking everything to tell us what we actually should be knowing. Even if we don't really care. All that we got to see a couple of years back were photos in the TOI the next day, and read reports about how the city took a day or two off.
But now?
Intrepid reporter, suitably soaked, does his stuff, and gives us his views on everything right from the BMC’s inefficiency, to the volume of rain measured in the last half a minute. Stands in a waterlogged area for enhanced visual appeal. The junta in the background gawk at the camera as if they are seeing an alien life-form in a bikini, elbowing each other and the reporter to be ‘seen’, and dazzle us with their million dollar smiles. Cut back to dude in the studio, wearing his best Sunday suit.
“Aur aap dekh rahe hain…. Mumbai behaal. Jagah jagah paani ke bhar jaane se train tatha bus ki aawa-jaahi pe bhaari prabhaav. Log sehme hue hain, dare hue hain… par himmat nahi hare hain…Isiko Mumbai ki ‘ispirit’ kehte hain… jo duniya ki koi sheher mein nahi dekhne ko milegi. Kahaa jaata hai yahaan ke log kabhi himmat nahi haarte hain, hamesha museebaton ka dat ke saamna karte hain, aur is baar bhi Mumbai ne apna kamaal dikha hi diya.”
I could have sworn I had heard the same thing last year. Not a word out of place. You wouldn’t have known if they were showing this footage from last year, considering how cleverly they were juxtaposing last year’s waterlogging videos with this year’s, whenever they were a little short of drama.
Cut to footage of street urchins having a whale of a time on the flooded streets.
“Dekhiye Mumbaikar kitna anand utha rahe hain barsaat ki, pareshaaniyon ka saamna karte hue…”
That those wretches would have access to a recreational water body only at this time of the year is purely co-incidental. It simply means that the entire city is having fun in the rains.
Then came the blasts.
Time for even more tact and delicacy.
Cut to suited dude again, in front of an electronic map of Mumbai behind him, with all the explosion sites marked out. “7/11" written in bold on top of the screen. The last time I checked, we still wrote dates as dd/mm/yy. But then 7/11 is slightly easier on the tongue, and has a nice catchy ring to it.
Then suited guy repeated “(time) ko bum dhamaka” 8 times ad nauseam every time we returned from an ad break. Was enough to make you wish he would get a case of fissures in his dorsal cavity. A very apt series of bum dhamakas those would have been there.
Suited dude then tries to patch in another fearless reporter from the frontlines. A technical snag later, he’s left staring at us, blankly. We stare back expectantly, feeling something in our bones. Something good was about to come, or about to give. Then suddenly in a divine burst of inspiration, he lets this rip. Wonder what he was smoking during the ad breaks. Whatever it was, it was freaking good.
“Aur aap dekh rahein hai yeh aankdon (numbers) ka gazab khel”.
(Us: WTF?!)
“Aaj saat july hai, 7/11, aur aaj 11 minute ke andar, 7 bum dhamake huey…”
(Us: WTF?! WTF?! WTF?!)
Another edgy stare into the camera, and then he realizes he’s screwed up royally. He’s been screaming himself hoarser than a vegetable vendor outside Dadar station, stating that there were 8 bum dhamakas in all. Colossal.
To his credit, he pulls himself together very quickly, and then without batting an eyelid, says
“Maaf keejiyega, kul milaake 8 dhamake huey, 7 train mein, aur ek Borivli platform pe. Fir bhi, agar aankdon ko milaaya jaay, to 7 bum dhamake train mein, 11 minute mein. Waakai, acharaj ki baat hai.”
Was left marveling. Waakai boss, acharaj ki baat hai.
This is how...
First, let's take up the rains.
It rained like it always does at this time of the year, and the city shut shop for a couple of days like it always has been doing for all these years. Only, till last year, we didn't have these guys risking everything to tell us what we actually should be knowing. Even if we don't really care. All that we got to see a couple of years back were photos in the TOI the next day, and read reports about how the city took a day or two off.
But now?
Intrepid reporter, suitably soaked, does his stuff, and gives us his views on everything right from the BMC’s inefficiency, to the volume of rain measured in the last half a minute. Stands in a waterlogged area for enhanced visual appeal. The junta in the background gawk at the camera as if they are seeing an alien life-form in a bikini, elbowing each other and the reporter to be ‘seen’, and dazzle us with their million dollar smiles. Cut back to dude in the studio, wearing his best Sunday suit.
“Aur aap dekh rahe hain…. Mumbai behaal. Jagah jagah paani ke bhar jaane se train tatha bus ki aawa-jaahi pe bhaari prabhaav. Log sehme hue hain, dare hue hain… par himmat nahi hare hain…Isiko Mumbai ki ‘ispirit’ kehte hain… jo duniya ki koi sheher mein nahi dekhne ko milegi. Kahaa jaata hai yahaan ke log kabhi himmat nahi haarte hain, hamesha museebaton ka dat ke saamna karte hain, aur is baar bhi Mumbai ne apna kamaal dikha hi diya.”
I could have sworn I had heard the same thing last year. Not a word out of place. You wouldn’t have known if they were showing this footage from last year, considering how cleverly they were juxtaposing last year’s waterlogging videos with this year’s, whenever they were a little short of drama.
Cut to footage of street urchins having a whale of a time on the flooded streets.
“Dekhiye Mumbaikar kitna anand utha rahe hain barsaat ki, pareshaaniyon ka saamna karte hue…”
That those wretches would have access to a recreational water body only at this time of the year is purely co-incidental. It simply means that the entire city is having fun in the rains.
Then came the blasts.
Time for even more tact and delicacy.
Cut to suited dude again, in front of an electronic map of Mumbai behind him, with all the explosion sites marked out. “7/11" written in bold on top of the screen. The last time I checked, we still wrote dates as dd/mm/yy. But then 7/11 is slightly easier on the tongue, and has a nice catchy ring to it.
Then suited guy repeated “(time) ko bum dhamaka” 8 times ad nauseam every time we returned from an ad break. Was enough to make you wish he would get a case of fissures in his dorsal cavity. A very apt series of bum dhamakas those would have been there.
Suited dude then tries to patch in another fearless reporter from the frontlines. A technical snag later, he’s left staring at us, blankly. We stare back expectantly, feeling something in our bones. Something good was about to come, or about to give. Then suddenly in a divine burst of inspiration, he lets this rip. Wonder what he was smoking during the ad breaks. Whatever it was, it was freaking good.
“Aur aap dekh rahein hai yeh aankdon (numbers) ka gazab khel”.
(Us: WTF?!)
“Aaj saat july hai, 7/11, aur aaj 11 minute ke andar, 7 bum dhamake huey…”
(Us: WTF?! WTF?! WTF?!)
Another edgy stare into the camera, and then he realizes he’s screwed up royally. He’s been screaming himself hoarser than a vegetable vendor outside Dadar station, stating that there were 8 bum dhamakas in all. Colossal.
To his credit, he pulls himself together very quickly, and then without batting an eyelid, says
“Maaf keejiyega, kul milaake 8 dhamake huey, 7 train mein, aur ek Borivli platform pe. Fir bhi, agar aankdon ko milaaya jaay, to 7 bum dhamake train mein, 11 minute mein. Waakai, acharaj ki baat hai.”
Was left marveling. Waakai boss, acharaj ki baat hai.
posted by Tapan at 6:18 PM
