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Dirtscapes

Read. Suffer. Try to Enjoy.

Tag! I’m It!

Evidently, I’d been tagged a while back by Supremus, to describe five things I found ‘most weird’ about me. Hell, there’s enough and more to go around. Let’s just start with the first five I can think of…

Passport Photos:
Getting a passport photo clicked is one of the most irritating activities for me. Here’s why. First up there’s always this garish, reddish hued studio room, with really really cheap, disconcerting wallpaper on one wall. A hint of cheap talcum powder perfume in the air, along with a miserable looking dressing table in the corner with exactly 3 combs and a hairbrush. I always have to take my glasses off (‘reflect aayenga fotu mein’) and wear just a frame sans lenses, which invariably offsets my cheekbone structure beautifully. And then the pressure of staring into the camera trying to keep my neck still, with those two stupid umbrellas with lights lending a surreal touch to it all. (My neck starts bobbing like a turkey’s – stop smirking, had seen one at an Irani café here once). And the clincher? Trying not to blink. I’m mortified at the thought of having to pay for a set of photos with me at my meditative acme.
The end result? Evidently not my Sunday best, given how people hoot and whoop whenever I show them my ‘passport photo’.


My Surname:
It’s the weirdest thing I have ever possessed. Just say it out aloud. Hoskeri (New lake when literally translated from Kannada). It sounds so freaking I don’t know… Alien? Whacko? Bizzaro? Unlike anything you’ve ever heard before innit? Has been known to make everyone from prospective job givers to security guards just stare at me as if I was from Switzerland (was told that by a college senior) or Kashmir(!) (courtesy an ex-colleague), and guffaw like somebody told them that job satisfaction actually exists in the IT industry (even the security folks laughed like that mind you…). Was called ‘Hosie Posie’ and ‘Horse Curry’ for a while in school, if it eases your pain…
(Add to that my first name which is roundly taken to be ‘Thapal’,’Sampat’ or ’Kappan’ and you will know why I just LOVE to introduce myself to strangers…)

Left shoe before right:
Ahh… this one goes back a long way. Had read a Milind Soman interview way back when I was a kid, in the Saturday Times colour supplement. He had confessed to being a little superstitious, always putting on his left shoe before his right. I was deeply impressed…and I went to myself that must really work…LOOK at him! I started doing the same, and to this day, I continue to do so.
Hope springs eternal etc etc…


The Exam dream:
Now this is a weird one to explain away. Even now, I get nightmares that I have an exam to give tomorrow, and that I don’t know jack. It’s usually Mathematics related, though I have dreamt of really esoteric ones like World History, English Literature, Economics and Analog and Digital Integrated Circuit Design too. The beauty of the whole thing is that in the dream, I’m fully aware that I’m a working professional, and that my job hasn’t left me enough time to actually study. But there is always that fear that I won’t get my degree (or get my degree taken away) if I get a KT (flunk) in this exam. Always.
And the sense of sheer relief that I get on waking up, and how I go back to bed with a smile on my fevered lips? Indescribable.


The Pee Dream:
[Caution – stop reading if you value your finer sensibilities]
And finally.
Ever have this dream when you have gone to bed with a semi-full bladder? It’s early morning, and Nature has been gradually filling it up with the regulatory excretory golden dew over the hours. You are coasting along, having a wonderful dream about whatever makes you happy, and sometime early in the a.m., you suddenly HAVE to pee. In the dream that is. And then beautifully, still in the dream, you alter the story line, find an alibi, and locate a loo (or conjure up one if it’s really urgent – this is what I love about dreams) and then just at the right moment, as you’re about to do the deed, you are slapped wide awake. To do the needful in the real world.
Ever experienced this? If you haven’t, I’m all alone. Boo hoo.

End of confessional.
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3:52 PM, September 06, 2006
Anonymous Anonymous said...

omigod , the maths dream is all mine my favorite recurring nightmare though never had maths after 12 th std [and had done very well there ].except ofcourse very difficult to sleep again with a smile despite immense relief.    



10:13 PM, September 06, 2006
Anonymous AJ said...

Just replace Math with high school Hindi and you got my recurring nightmare.    



11:17 PM, September 06, 2006
Blogger Supremus said...

ROFL ROFL - The best in the series so far I've read! Too good :). You are not alone though in many of the dreams hehe.

I usually have a recurring nightmare that I am falling off a cliff or drowning in water. Often I have dreamt that someone is carrying my dead body and setting it to fire, at which point I wake up.

the last one was the best hahahaha :D


S    



12:44 PM, September 07, 2006
Anonymous Anonymous said...

funniest part is some jokers of 'deccan chronicle' [a daily] interpret dreams,God knows on wat qualifications or wat logic.nightmares seem less gory in contrast.    



1:08 PM, September 07, 2006
Blogger Nachowski said...

Horse curry, lol. That really cracked me up for some reason :)    



5:25 PM, September 07, 2006
Blogger GuNs said...

OMG !!
I so am scared of that exam dream. I've only had it one or two times recently. Its like my final year MCS exam and I have to get up early and study. Today is the exam !!!!! Then I get up early and I almost get out of bed and I realize...huh !! I'm happily (??!!) working now, I don't need no exam !!

Passport photos? I agree too !

So thats 2 points for me, ain't it??

-PeAcE
--WiTh
---GuNs    



8:14 PM, September 07, 2006
Anonymous Sandeep said...

Hi Tapan,

Came across your blog a few days back.

Really enjoyed reading it.

Keep up the good work.

Bye...

- Sandeep    



3:15 PM, September 10, 2006
Blogger Tapan said...

anon,
I understand...

Banjo,
Only Hindi? No Maths? :)

Supremus,
I loved the last one too... ;)

anon 2,
Could we see some samples?

Nachowski,
A lot of my school mates would agree with you there... :)

Guns,
Way to go... thanx for the passport fotu empathy... I thought I was the only one...

Sandeep,
Thanx!    



11:17 AM, September 24, 2006
Anonymous Anagh. said...

always a pleasure reading ur blog.
the exam nightmare is something we all share ...
keep blogging, you have a faithful audience.    



1:17 AM, October 06, 2006
Blogger bluesman said...

omg this is hilarious. One of your best ones ever.
Havent yet had your piss experience but boy do I dream about it, guess I'm waiting to go over the edge.
Horse curry was hilarious as well.

Keep it up    



9:25 PM, October 13, 2006
Blogger Tapan said...

Anagh,
Thanx :)

Anup,
That pee dream is scary :)    



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